Fantasy Fest Fic: Ignatia, part 1/2, PG-13

Title: Ignatia (Part 1/2)
Author: severity_softly
Characters/pairings: Remus/Severus, Ignatia (ofc), Harry/Luna, Minerva, Hermione, past Remus/Tonks (er, sort of), and past Severus/Emmeline Vance
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 12,900ish (7,500ish for this part)
Warnings: discussion of morally touchy subjects and adult situations
Prompt: Remus adopts a war orphan, only to discover the child might be Severus'. He goes to ferret out the mystery, to make Severus "take responsibility" as a father. What happens next?
A/N: Much thanks to my wonderful betas, innerslytherin and summerborn, and my brit-picker cordeliadelayne! Also thanks to lore for allowing me the extension. *smooches you all*


Preparation courses. Background checks, in which his involvement in the war had been heavily scrutinised. Far too many interviews that discussed his own childhood and far too little talk about his relationships now, which were by and far much better than his adolescence - well, better than they had ever been, actually. Then the medical examination which determined that, outside of Lycanthropy and a small touch of arthritis in his right knee from a war injury, Remus Lupin was a relatively healthy forty-one year old man... er, werewolf.

For a long while, it felt as though the pre-adoption screening was never going to end... until it did. And when it did, Remus almost wished it hadn't. Anything would have been better than the months of waiting that had followed as they tried to pair him off with an appropriate child. When the call finally came, Remus went to the Ministry adoption centre that day.

She was a special case, they told him - a child of an Auror, Emmeline Vance, who had been murdered when her daughter was only an infant. She was also, they told him, very powerful even at such a young age, but they had determined that Remus' outer calm and ability to think quickly in stressful situations would be a good match for her.

"Been through a lot of these, she has. She tends to worry prospective adopters," Ernie, the adoption counesellor, said as he strode down the corridor with Remus at his side. He made a sharp turn to an empty room and Remus had to stop short to not run into him, then veer off in the right direction.

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Have a seat." Ernie gestured to a table in the centre of the room which had two chairs on either side. "Well, were you capable of setting things on fire with neither wand nor words spoken at the age of four?" he answered.

Remus felt his eyebrows rise quickly, but Ernie was out the door. "No, I suppose not," he replied to no one in particular. They hadn't told him that.

It had been two years since the war had ended and, in spite of the fact that he finally had a job that fulfilled him, a home, and relative security, Remus had felt as though he was missing something. It was what Tonks hadn't been able to give him, and the only reason he had given in to a relationship with her in the first place before he knew about her lack of desire to ever have children of her own.

Remus was bouncing in his seat anxiously when the door creaked open and a slender figure appeared. The little girl peered around it, and then slowly made her way toward the table in the centre of the room, as Ernie stepped in and shut the door, planting himself there out of the way.

She was tall for her age (Remus remembered how Emmeline had once stood several inches over him), with her mother's olive skin, a long face and long, straight nose, and an air of mischief in her dark eyes, black glinting under the fluorescent lights.

"Hello," Remus offered.

"Hi." She came to stand behind the chair, resting her hands on top of the back and tilting her head at him, lank black pig-tails swinging to the side as she did.

And then Remus' hair stood on end.

He drew a sharp breath at the odd sensation, then watched her for a moment. Her eyes were following the movement of his hair as if she was sifting through it with her fingers to watch the grey catch in the lights, and though she wasn't smiling, there was a quiet fascination in her eyes. He only hoped she wasn't going to set his hair on fire.

"That's very impressive."

Her eyes flicked away and his hair fell before she muttered a quick, "Thank you." Remus was fairly certain there was a hint of a smile as well.

"Are you going to sit?"

"No."

"Hmm. Why not?" Remus leaned forward to place his elbows on the table and perched his head on his hand.

"Why is your hair like that?"

Remus chuckled and she looked back up at him. "You've never seen anyone with hair like mine?" She shook her head. "Well, it's like this because my mum's hair was like this. And my mum's mum's hair was like this. And my mum's mum's mum's hair was like this."

Her lips thinned into a surprisingly straight smile. "Do you think mine is like this because of my mum?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know." He had decided before she had even come in the room that he didn't want her to know just yet that he had known her mother. He didn't wish for any desire to know her mother, even by proxy, to interfere with whether or not she actually liked him. In actuality, he knew too well that that shiny, thin, black hair had certainly not come from Emmeline Vance. "Why won't you sit?"

"Because... because I'll do something bad and you won't want to talk to me anymore."

Remus frowned and wondered how many of these meetings she had been through in her short life and just how badly they could have gone. She couldn't have been doing dangerous magic for very long. "I promise that won't happen." After a moment of hesitation, Ignatia walked around the chair and climbed into it. "Good! Now, what's your name?" Remus asked, letting her tell him herself in spite of the fact he already knew so that she would feel more comfortable.

"Ignatia."



***


It had been a great deal of paperwork before he could bring Ignatia home. The werewolf laws had been relaxed since Remus had begun his work at the Ministry, first helping the Aurors capture what they could of Greyback's pack and then helping to "rehabilitate" those that might one day be capable of functioning in society again. He had been one of the strongest advocates to allowing werewolves the right to adopt, thought there were still many restrictions.

For one thing, if he should adopt a non-Lycanthrope child, he had to have no fewer than three non-Lycanthropes sign off their lives once a month in writing to ensure she would always have someone to keep her during "Daddy's Special Time," as Hermione had come to call it, but she, Minerva, and Harry had hardly seemed to mind after seeing how excited Remus had been. Minerva had even said she hadn't seen him look so happy since he had been a teenager.

In the week preceding Ignatia's arrival, Remus had received no fewer than four books on parenting and childhood development from Hermione, several outfits in Ignatia's size from Molly Weasley (including one too-large, green sweater bearing the letter I in gold, and most of the rest looking like seventies carpeting), a large bin of age-appropriate toys from Harry, and an offer to decorate Ignatia's room from none other than Luna Lovegood, who was firmly attached to Harry's side these days.

"Is that purple... or black?" Harry asked, head cocked to one side and eyes scrunched under glasses that were much better fitting than the ones he used to wear when Remus first met him.

Remus swallowed, unable to speak. He had known it wasn't a very good idea to take Luna up on her offer, but he hadn't expected this.

"Aubergine," Luna responded dreamily as Remus and Harry continued to stare at the paint job. "And grey."

"You don't think it's a bit dark for a little girl's room?" Harry asked, and Remus was glad because his reaction was a lot less tactful (it wasn't as though Harry himself had become any less recklessly audacious, but he at least had the sense to be cautious when criticising the woman whose bed he shared.)

"This isn't just any little girl," Luna said, as though she knew Ignatia well. After Trelawney had suffered a nervous collapse at the end of the war (coupled with a failing liver), Luna had taken the position of Divination teacher at Hogwarts and had a habit of speaking in absolutes like that, even when there was no evidence to back up her claims. In short, she hadn't changed a whole lot, though she did have a better track record of truthful premonitions (small as they may be) than Trelawney ever had.

"But it's very... dark," Remus choked out finally.

Luna only shrugged. "Okay." She crossed the room and opened the curtains (which were also eggplant in colour, and had strange green spiderweb-like designs on them), letting the room flood with light, then stood in the glow of them and looked out at the small flowerbed Remus had started in his back garden.

"That wasn't exactly what I mea--" Remus stopped when Harry's hand came to rest on his forearm.

Harry only shook his head at Remus before releasing his arm and Remus sighed. There was no point in trying to talk logic to Luna, and Remus didn't really want to hurt her feelings. If Ignatia hated it, they could put her in the spare bedroom for a while, just long enough that Luna thought they had got plenty of use out of the room she designed and could redo it without too much fuss.

"Thank you, Luna," he said finally, and she beamed at him.

To Remus' surprise, however, Ignatia didn't hate it.

"Colour." She had said simply upon entering it.

"Better than those white walls?"

"Mmhph."

Remus set her to unpacking the few things she had taken with her and headed to the kitchen to start dinner. When he returned a while later to check on her, her curtains were drawn tight and she was in a huddled ball under the covers. Remus quickly made his way to her. "Are you ok? Did you get scared?"

"I'm in a caaaaave!"

Remus blinked, then started to laugh, dropping to his knees beside the bed. "Oh, you are, are you?" He started to tickle the lump of child through the blankets, and she shrieked.

"No!" she said firmly, and then the blankets suddenly ballooned around her, insulating her from his fingers in a little bubble. She started to giggle softly.

For a moment, Remus' laughter died at the surprise and he poked cautiously at the stiff blankets until her small chuckles became infectious.

This was going to be more interesting than Remus had expected.



***


"It's remarkable, really." Remus watched Luna spin Ignatia around, dancing to whatever tune the two of them seemed to be sharing in their heads as he talked to Minerva.

Harry, Minerva, and Hermione were seated around him. Remus had started having them all around for tea at least once a week, considering he wanted Ignatia to feel comfortable around them. It wouldn't be much longer before he would explain, however vaguely, that he needed to go away for a couple nights a month and that they would be here for her instead of him. "She's remarkable. I don't think she knows how to control it, at least not yet... I only hope the nanny doesn't notice..." Remus had found one of the older ladies in his neighbourhood was more than willing to watch Ignatia on the days he worked and no one else was available. "I would have never thought magic could show itself so young."

"Yes, well, Emmeline Vance wasn't exactly a weakling." Minerva offered. "Pity we lost her so young."

Remus nodded.

"Have you told her yet?"

"Told..."

"Told Ignatia you knew her."

Remus winced and looked to the little girl, who thankfully hadn't overheard them. "No," he hissed.

"Professor Lupin," Hermione scolded.

"Look, I just don't know--"

"Let's have a baby, Harry." Everyone's head jerked towards Luna in shock, though Luna seemed not to notice as she spun Ignatia around again. "If we have a boy, we could name him Ronald. I think Ron would have liked that."

The room seemed to go silent for a moment. Even after two and a half years, some war casualties were harder to remember than others. Unless, of course, you were Luna Lovegood, who seemed to take death in stride.

"Er, Luna..." Harry had turned bright red and was sinking into his seat. "How about a Niffler first?"

"Oh! Alright," she said cheerily.

Hermione cleared her throat over her teacup and both Remus and Minerva tore their eyes away from the young woman playing with Ignatia. "You really ought to tell her."

"I know. I will. I just don't know how. She'll know I lied to her."

"So, of course, you ought to keep the truth from her as long as possible to build trust," Minerva said, pursing her lips at him disapprovingly.

"It wasn't her mother," Luna said suddenly. Again, she seemed to be drifting in and out of the conversation of her own accord.

"What wasn't?" Hermione asked.

"Her magic. Came from her father. It's in her eyes."

"Yes, well, unfortunately Miss Lovegood, no one knows who the father is, so we've only Emmeline to go by." Minerva laughed softly. "The only man I ever saw her alone with was Severus Snape and that hardly seemed amicabl--"

"What?" Remus asked quickly.

"On occasion I saw her with Severus, but they were always arguing. So I, of course, assumed it was nothing to worry about."

Remus was barely listening anymore. Instead he found himself staring blankly across the room at Ignatia - pondering her black hair and black eyes, her nose that was a little too long and her talent that was a little too advanced, an most especially the way that she frowned, when she did, and how it always seemed a little too familiar.

In fact, it seemed that everyone's eyes had gone to Ignatia, but Remus didn't notice until Minerva's voice cut into his thoughts again, sounding as though she'd said his name at least a few times already.

"Remus," she hissed and his head snapped toward her. "Surely you can't be considering... I mean, Severus was a homosexual. Everyone knew that." Severus had survived the war and was a free man, but everyone still seemed to refer to him in the past tense, as if he were some relic the war had used up and spit out and now everyone pretended he didn't exist anymore. It was easier that way - you didn't have to deal with all the conflicting feelings he had inspired in so many.

"I know," Remus said, not really hearing himself.



***


This was a very bad idea. Remus knew that. If he was caught he could be fired from his job, fined, or worse. Fortunately the pre-adoption screening hadn't delved too deeply into his relationships with the other three marauders, or the agency might have suspected he was very capable of getting himself into trouble - more trouble than his unassuming exterior seemed to show.

It wasn't that he didn't have a good alibi for delving into the birth records the ministry kept. He was working with one of the former members of Greyback's pack, and had told security that he was trying to find the werewolf's birth record to jog his memory, remind him of his parents, remind him of anything that he had had before getting bitten.

Still, in spite of his alibi, Remus still found himself wishing invisibility cloaks and disillusionment charms worked inside the Ministry as he sifted through all the records filed under the letter V.

"Professor Lupin."

Remus jumped in spite of himself and shoved the files marked V back into their proper storage space before turning to find Hermione looking down at where he was crouched. He breathed a sigh of relief, then stood. "I wish you'd stop calling me that, Hermione. I no longer call you 'Miss Granger.'"

Hermione nodded, but didn't venture to try out calling him by first name.

"What brings you here?" Remus asked lamely when Hermione didn't speak again.

She snorted. "Well, I came here because I saw you heading this way and I thought you ought to know you should be more careful."

"What?"

"You've never looked up birth records while on a case before."

Remus winced. He really wished everyone around him would stop referring to the wolves he was working with as "cases." "This one is different."

"And it's no secret you just adopted a child," Hermione continued without acknowledging his statement.

"Hermione..."

"You should also know they file birth records under the father's surname and that you won't find Ignatia's in here at all."

Remus felt as though he'd been doused in cold water, but he tried not to show his disappointment. He stood and straightened himself. "Ah, well, I wasn't looking for her--"

"You won't find it here because I have it." Remus' eyes snapped up to her and went wide. Hermione shifted, pulling two pieces of parchment from her pocket and handed one to Remus. "I thought I could get it to you before you decided to, rather stupidly, come here yourself."

Remus rolled his eyes to himself - for someone who was still struggling to no longer call him "professor," she was sure quick to call his actions stupid - but snatched up the paper anyway. He quickly poured over the wrinkled paper, not bothering to pretend it wasn't what he wanted any longer.

Date and Place of Birth: March 26, 1996, St. Mungo's Hospital, London
Name, if any: Ignatia Hecate
Sex: F
Name and surname of Father: Severus Snape

Remus suddenly felt a little light-headed.

Name, surname, and maiden name of mother: Emmeline Vance
Father's occupation: Potions Master, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

"A little surreal, isn't it?"

"You have no idea, Hermione." Remus' gut was twisting. Severus was a murderer and a Death Eater. On the other hand, there had always been a side of him, a side he blamed on the wolf, that wanted Severus. He had expected that, should he find Ignatia's father, it would not be an easy meeting, but he was hoping that the idea that it was Severus Snape would prove false. Remus was still, even after so long since the war had ended, filled with so many conflicting feelings about Severus.

"What are you going to do?" Hermione asked, as Remus continued to stare stupidly at the birth certificate.

"I... I guess I'm going to go confront him."

"I thought as much." She handed him the second piece of paper she was holding and Remus looked over what appeared to be a business license. "He owns an apothecary, Prince's Plume, just off Diagon Alley."

Remus shook his head, laughing softly, then looked up at Hermione warmly. "Thank you. For doing this."

Hermione shrugged. "Can't say I wasn't curious myself. I do wonder why the adoption agency didn't give custody to Professor Snape."


***


Prince's Plume Apothecary was a tiny, dark little shop in one of the small alleyways that connected Diagon Alley with Knockturn Alley. Remus thought it was rather fitting that Severus had positioned himself right in the middle of the two. It had taken all morning and part of the early afternoon to work up the courage to come here. His stomach was revolting against the very idea and that did nothing to help. Still, after spending far too much time standing in front of the mirror to be sure he looked all right and some gentle nudging from Hermione (and some not so gentle nudging from Ignatia, who had no idea where he was going, but seemed to be excited that Remus was dressed up anyway), he Apparated to the alleyway and spotted the little shop right away.

He stepped inside and walked cautiously down one of the crowded aisles toward the front desk of the shop where he saw Severus hunched over a piece of parchment.

"Nice shop," he commented as he drew near.

"So says the man who only made an A on his O.W.L.s in Potions." Severus hadn't even looked up, or at least Remus hadn't seen him.

Remus nodded and wandered away, trying to look as if he was only casually inspecting some of the merchandise, though his stomach turned at a few of the glass jars lining the shelves (it was never that he couldn't master potions, it was more that he didn't have the stomach for it.) "Seems we never did learn to take a compliment, did we?"

"Do you need something?"

"What?" Remus turned back to the desk to find Severus eying him, expression blank.

"Or did you just stop by to waste my time?"

Remus' stomach gave a lurch. "Oh... Actually, I wanted to talk to you."

"I'm working."

"Can I come back after your shop closes?"

Severus put down his quill and folded his arms on the desk, levelling a lofty gaze at Remus. "I have no desire to be cornered again like I was--"

"I told you, kissing you the year I taught at Hogwarts was a mistake. I apologised!"

"And you can see how your apology really made a difference, can't you?"

Remus sighed and wondered if anyone had ever had an easy conversation with Severus Snape. "Fine. Not here."

"I close early on Saturdays. Meet me outside the shop at five. If I'm late, I have probably got stuck with an order. If you're late, I walk."




It was a shame there were no public owleries or Floos on Diagon Alley. Remus had only had about two hours to kill while he waited for Severus' shop to close, but he had still had the impulse to contact Hermione at least five times to make sure Ignatia was alright without him.

When five o'clock had finally rolled around, Remus waited outside the shop door for Severus, who appeared promptly and only nodded at Remus before heading down the street. Remus followed, wondering exactly where they were going, and feeling himself tense when Severus turned down Knockturn Alley and headed into a seedy looking bar. He knew he shouldn't be here. If anything happened to him here, Ignatia would be sent back to the orphanage, but he followed anyway, the prospect of getting any information from Severus drawing him along.

Severus slipped into a booth with his back to the wall and gestured at a heavyset, thinly-mustached barmaid. She filled a filthy looking glass with what looked to be some sort of alcohol, then walked over and slapped it on the table, amber liquid sloshing over the side - Severus was apparently a regular. Then she turned to Remus. "What?" she demanded.

"Ah," Remus shifted. "Gillywater."

"Isn't he precious?" she asked in mock sugary tones while smiling at Severus, then turned back to Remus, her smile and false sweetness falling quickly. "No."

"O-okay... Butterbeer, then."

"No."

"... Um, scotch?"

"There ya go, laddy," she said, sneering, then walked away. Remus frowned at her retreating back then looked back at Severus, whose lips were twisted ever fo slightly.

"Did we come here for your enjoyment?"

"No. That was just an added bonus." After wiping the rim of his glass clean with his sleeve, Severus took a long sip of his drink before setting it back down and fixing his gaze on Remus. "All right. Talk."

"Er..."

"You said you needed to talk to me, Lupin. So talk."

The barkeep slammed a glass down in front of Remus, not bothering to apologise or wipe up her mess when she sloshed about half of it over his hand. Remus didn't see any napkins around, so he only lifted his hand and licked the liquid off.

"Allow me to guess. You want to know exactly why I killed Albus. You want to know exactly what I was doing during the final years of the war. You want to know why the Wizengamot let me free because the things that were kept out of public view during my trial are just killing you." Severus recited this as if he had heard all those things a million times, dragging out the last two words in mocking. "I'm not interested in easing peoples minds about me being free, or answering questions so that people may tell their children and grandchildren the real story about what happened in the war, so I suggest you leave now if that was what you wanted."

Remus paused mid-lick as Severus spoke, then sucked the remaining droplets of scotch off his hand. "That's not what I wanted."

Severus arched an eyebrow.

"I wanted..." Remus started and then realised he hadn't thought out exactly how he was going to ask Severus this question. He had the paperwork that proved Ignatia was Severus' daughter, but that hardly meant Severus was going to take being confronted with it lightly. "I wanted to know why you never made any effort to make contact with your own daughter after the war ended."

Severus stilled, though his brows knitted together tightly, then in a very deliberate move (as if he was measuring everything he did), he lifted his glass and took another drink. He replaced the glass with equal care. "Did you suffer any sort of brain trauma during the war, Lupin?" he asked, after a long silence.

"I'm serious."

"So am I. I don't have a daughter."

Remus shook his head. "You're going to deny that you slept with Emmeline Vance during the war--"

"My sex life is none of your concern--"

"--And that she had your child."

Severus snorted and shook his head, downing the rest of his drink in one gulp. "Emmeline Vance did not have a child."

"Yes, she did, Severus, and your name is on the birth certificate."

Severus only stared at Remus this time, his mouth slightly open. After a moment he closed it and Remus saw him swallow thickly. "What are you playing at?" Severus was eyeing him suspiciously, looking just like Ignatia had the night Minerva had brought over supper and tried to serve her haggis.

"I'm not playing at anything." Severus didn't look any more ready to believe him, so he shifted in his seat to reach into his pocket, then produced the birth certificate. He spread it flat on the table then pushed it across to Severus, who regarded it with caution.

Severus stared at it for what felt like an eternity and, when he looked up, he did not meet Remus' eyes, he only flagged the barkeep down for another drink.

Remus expelled a breath, a mockery of a laugh, and shook his head. "You know, I had my doubts about what kind of man you were before now, Severus, I would have been a fool not to, but this only confirms any doubts I previously had. You hardly seemed to care much for children as a teacher, but she's your child. How could you have simply left her--"

"What--" Severus cut him off, voice strained, then he reined it in, though he was still obviously shaken and he gulped half the drink the barkeep set in front of him before continuing, "What makes you so certain I was the one doing the leaving?" He lifted his chin a notch and looked down his nose at Remus.

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but found he had no words. It had never even occurred to him that Severus might not be to blame. "Oh, I..."

"Don't." Severus started to shift to move out of the booth.

"Severus..."

"I neither want nor need your pity."

"She's very powerful," Remus blurted, trying to get Severus to stop and felt relief wash over him when it worked. Severus stopped, though he didn't not look back at Remus or speak. "Would you like to meet her?" Remus asked, when it became clear Severus was waiting for more.

"If you are toying with me, Lupin, I swear I will kill you, even if it means spending the rest of my life in Azkaban."

"Why would I toy with you?"

"I never saw her pregnant," Severus said.

"She transferred to desk work just before she started to show, but it was talked about." Not that Severus had ever stuck around after the official Order business was over for small talk, Remus thought. "Christ, Severus, we even threw her a party." Though Emmeline had asked for it to be small and kept quiet, he remembered now.

Severus' jaw tightened and he finally looked back at Remus, eyes hard and full of heat. "If this is a trick, I swear I will kill you and go to Azkaban happily," he repeated, then slid out of the booth.



***


It would have been funny - the expression on Severus' face - if it hadn't actually been, as far as Remus was concerned, a very serious occasion. Severus had cast a rather complex charm on himself before coming over to the house Remus shared with Ignatia. It was a charm that would reveal through touch whether there was any true biological connection between him and the girl Remus "claimed to be his." Remus wasn't exactly sure how it worked, but he figured he would know soon enough.

The moment Severus walked in the door and saw Ignatia, however, his demeanour changed. Ignatia looked up at him with those eyes that were practically a mirror of his own and Severus' expression blanked.

It was strange seeing them together, Remus thought, funny how two people could look so similar and yet look so different. They had the same hair, though hers was shiny instead of oily. They had the same long nose, though hers was straight, not hooked, and conspicuously lacking the broken look Severus' had seemed to acquire after numerous fist fights his first few years at Hogwarts. Yet her skin was much warmer than his, and when she smiled at him it was much straighter that his lopsided smirk (though Remus did admit to the irony of Severus Snape's daughter having a straight smile.)

"Hi," she said to him.

"Ignatia, this is Severus," Remus gestured between them.

"Hello," Severus managed, sounding a little breathless.

"Se-ver-us?"

Severus only nodded at her.

"Hi," she repeated, not daring to try the name again, then turned her attention back to the pile of toys in front of her.

Severus still didn't move and Remus wondered if he was going to have to push Severus toward her and carry on the bulk of the conversation while he was here.

"Have you seen Sarah the Squib?" Ignatia asked without preamble, and held up a doll with curly blond hair and a sweater with the letter S emblazoned on it.

"Sarah the..." Severus started.

"Squib," Ignatia filled in, waving the doll at him in insistence that he take it. "It's when a wizard makes a non-wizard."

"Or witch," Remus could almost hear Hermione correcting, though he only smiled and nodded when Ignatia looked up to him for assurance she'd got it right.

"No, I haven't." Severus finally seemed to regain his ability to walk and stepped forward, reaching down to take the doll from her. Remus could see as he did, that Severus made sure the tips of his fingers brushed Ignatia's. When Severus drew a soft sharp breath, Remus' eyes snapped back to Severus' face.

Remus was sure he had never seen Severus look like this before. It was as though every possible emotion that could be on one's face suddenly flooded Severus'. Severus pretended to inspect the doll for a moment, then handed it back to her, having regained the control he had seemed to lose.

Ignatia only took the doll back and combed her fingers through its stiff curls. "She works in the ministry. The Department of Love."

"That must be a new addition since I was there last."

Remus snorted, choking back a laugh, and Severus cut him a sideways glance.

Ignatia only looked between them for a moment. "Why are you here?" she inquired, fixing her eyes again on Severus.

"I came to meet you."

"Why?"

"Your... dad said you were very smart."

Remus could hear the way Severus almost choked on the word "dad," but Ignatia beamed, looking first at Remus and then back to Severus.

"He's not my dad. Louis down the street said he's old enough to be my granddad, even."

"Now, don't believe everything you're told," Remus said quickly, flushing as he scooped Ignatia off the floor and into his arms. "Time for bed."




Remus had tucked Ignatia into bed and waited until she had drifted off to sleep. She was still not used to the noises the house made when it settled in the night and couldn't seem to sleep without Remus by her side. Besides, ever since Remus had told her he knew her mother (news she took surprisingly well), she had taken to asking him every night to tell her a story about her mum. He knew soon he was going to have to stop indulging her, but it was so new to him as well that he rather enjoyed it.

He was surprised when he came back into the sitting room to find Severus was still there. The other man was sitting silently in a chair and staring blankly at the wall.

"You all right, Severus?"

"I think I need a drink." Severus didn't bother to look up.

Remus smiled softly and made his way to the drinks cabinet. "I have wine. Will that work?"

"Anything."

"All right."

Remus pulled a bottle and two glasses out, then walked over to Severus, handing him the bottle and one of the glasses and setting the second glass down on the table between the two chairs. He turned and began picking toys off the floor. Remus knew it would have been much easier to magic the room clean, but he also knew Severus needed a moment - one that he wasn't sitting right next to him in.

He heard the other man pop the cork and pour a glass and Remus remained quiet until he heard Severus pour, not his second, but his third glass of wine. He dropped the last toy in the box and settled himself in the chair next to Severus'. He held out his glass to the other man, and Severus raised the bottle and filled it while downing his third glass at the same time.

Remus took a sip before turning back to Severus to find the other man had discarded his glass altogether and was drinking straight from the bottle.

"Severus..."

"I'm used to Firewhisky. I'm fine."

Remus sighed. He supposed not only finding out he was a father - and had been for four years - and but also meeting his daughter for the first time after so long would be quite a shock. "All right."

"Sarah the Squib?"

Remus shook his head with a small smile. "Hermione. Wants Ignatia to grow up socially rounded and 'free of the prejudices the first war was made of,'" he said, making quotes in the air with his fingers. "The dolls come with an educational video each. Not so sure Ignatia's impressed with the videos but she does like the dolls." Severus didn't reply, so Remus continued to fill the silence. "So far we have Sarah the Squib, Martin the Muggle-born, and Helga the Half-blood. Heh, I keep expecting William the Werewolf will be next."

"There's a William the Werewolf doll?" Severus asked after a moment's thought.

"I don't know, but I bloody well hope not."

Severus snorted and took another swig from the bottle. "Politically correct garbage..."

Remus nodded, unsure whether or not he entirely agreed with either side of this argument - there were so many negative things to be said for going too far in either direction.

They sat in silence for a long time after that, Remus nursing his drink while Severus continued to take long pulls off the bottle. It wasn't until the silence grew palpable and Severus had very visibly relaxed that Remus spoke again.

"How did it happen? With Emmeline?"

"I was lonely and randy and she was there and willing," Severus said, lips obviously already loosened with wine.

Remus' eyes widened. "That's terrible, Severus!"

Severus turned and levelled a lofty gaze at Remus. "That's sex, Lupin." He slouched in his seat and took another drink. "We weren't all conceived in love and ecstasy."

"Weren't you careful? I mean, one time and--"

"One time? You assume too much."

Remus gaped for a moment, and then just stared at Severus, quietly pondering the thought and watching Severus slump farther into the chair. He supposed he ought to take the drink away - Severus was indulging a bit too much - but just then something occurred to him and he laughed.

"What?" Severus asked.

"Sorry, I just-- I always thought you were gay. I wouldn't have tried to kiss you if I had thought you weren't." Remus smirked and took another drink.

"I am a homosexual."

Remus almost choked on his own wine.

"I was desperate. My body would have responded to anything, and I knew it," Severus continued. "It wasn't the most gratifying experience, but it served its purpose... I'm sure you know that feeling." Severus turned his head and arched a brow at Remus, and Remus noticed the way Severus couldn't seem to hold his head straight.

"What--"

"Miss Tonks," Severus filled in at Remus' confused expression.

"Oh... oh, we never... I wanted a family. She didn't. So, there was really no point in it."

"I'm sure she felt differently, Remus."

Remus blinked. Severus had used his first name. It was time to take the wine away. "I- I'm sure she did."


***


For the next week or so, Severus came over, inviting himself after his shop closed and spending the few hours between that time and the time that Ignatia had to go to bed with them. It was surprising to see Severus take such an interest, though Remus assumed that if he had ever mentioned it to Severus, Severus would likely write it off as a responsibility he would simply have to endure, giving Remus a long martyred sigh that Remus would know was a fake. It was awkward at first, not only adjusting his schedule to fit Severus' visits and adjusting his meal plans for a third person, but also seeing Severus with Ignatia.

He wasn't what Remus would have called a natural father. He didn't make silly faces, or talk in funny voices. He didn't play hide and seek or build forts with her. He was just Severus. Although Remus did see how he was not as unforgiving around her as he was with everyone else. He indulged her imagination, even when he did not play along, and he did not tense away from her touch.

Ignatia seemed to take to him as well, in spite of the fact that she had called him "weird" not long after she first met him, once to Remus over breakfast the following morning and then again to Severus' face two nights later.

Severus did not seem surprised by her assessment, though he did attempt to explain that she shouldn't say things like that. Remus was not convinced he was very successful.

"What if I called you weird?" Severus asked her abruptly.

"I'm not," she asserted.

"I know, but what if I said you were? What if a lot of people called you weird? Would you believe them?"

"A lot of people?"

"Yes."

"How many?"

"Five, let's say."

"Why do they think I'm weird?"

"Lots of reasons. Or no reason at all."

Ignatia looked confused - no, she looked on the verge of tears. For a moment, Severus looked as though he was just going to let her start crying, as though he was so dumbfounded that a four year old was taking this kind of logic to heart that he was paralysed. Then he seemed to snap back into reality quickly, picking up a stray doll and holding it up to her. "Okay, not you. Nobody is calling you weird. What about Peter the..." Severus had to check the label on the inside of the doll's shirt for its full name. "Paul, actually, the Parselmouth. What if five people called him weird?"

"W-why?"

"Because... he's a Parselmouth."

Ignatia seemed interested in this new distraction, but here eyes were still watery. "I wouldn't like it."

"Exactly."

"Do you think I'm weird?"

"No."

Ignatia still looked confused, though she sniffed loudly and looked less like she was going to start screaming. She hesitated before speaking again. "I still think you're weird."

"That's fine," Severus said, handing her the doll. "That's an established fact."

Remus couldn't help but snort, and both sets of black eyes turned on him briefly as if just noticing he was in the room, then turned back to each other.

"Just don't call anyone else that. Understand?"

"Yes."

With each passing day, Remus found himself slowly forgiving Severus for never once checking on Emmeline. If his story was to be believed, Severus hadn't even known she was pregnant, which didn't excuse the fact that he had been a right bastard for using her, but it excused Severus' absence from Ignatia's life. Somehow seeing Severus come for Ignatia now seemed to heal a little of his past wrongs in Remus' eyes. And as much as he knew he shouldn't allow himself even the thought, seeing them together and being with them together made the wolf's longing for a real family seem to rise up at inappropriate times, and Remus had to force it down, reminding himself that Severus had no desire for him whatsoever. He never had and he never would.

On the sixth day, Remus tucked Ignatia in to bed and headed out to the sitting room to clean up. He had expected Severus to be gone, as he had every other time he had come over since the first time had ended so strangely. Severus was still there this time, and Remus blinked at him in surprise.

Severus frowned when Remus entered the room and slouched down in the chair, crossing one leg over the other so that his ankles touched. Remus waited for him to talk and when he didn't, he settled himself in the chair beside Severus, drawing his knees up against him.

"Why did you find me?" Severus said softly, once Remus was settled.

"Well, I thought you ought to take responsibility."

Severus snorted.

"But now I know you didn't even know she was pregnant, so I can't really hold it against you, can I?"

Severus made a small humming sound, then raised and lowered his eyebrows. Remus studied him, wondering what all that was, wondering what had just gone through the other man's head, when Severus finally spoke. "I knew she was pregnant."

Remus frowned, turning to look at Severus.

"She told me she wasn't going to keep it."

Remus' frown deepened. "What?"

Severus didn't reply, he only folded his hands over his stomach and continued to look off.

Remus was silent for a moment, willing himself to just let it go. What did it matter now? Ignatia was alive and well. But, Remus discovered, he couldn't just let it go. "You would have let her have an--"

"Wizarding abortions are much safer than Muggle ones."

"That's not the point!"

"It was a war, Lupin." Severus had raised his voice slightly. "There were casualties everywhere. What difference did it make if they were grown adults or still in utero?"

Remus shifted in his seat to stare at Severus incredulously. "You can't be serious."

"I am. As a matter of fact, it would have been - and was - irresponsible to allow a baby to be born in the midst of a war to a bloody spy and an Auror." Severus' voice was growing more agitated with each word.

"Severus--"

"I saw Vance a month before she was murdered and she didn't say a thing to me. I saw her and I turned her over to Voldemort, and because she made the decision to keep the child without my knowledge, Ignatia spent her formative years in an orphanage. Can you honestly say she's better off having lived through that?"

Remus finally raised his voice to talk over Severus. "Yes, because it's not too late for her now! Tell me, Severus, are you really upset that she had to live through all that, or are you upset because you had to live through that, because a lot of it is your fault?"

Severus' posture suddenly hardened and his eyes snapped to Remus, his breath coming hard and fast as if he were trying to decide which barb to sling first. Remus was preparing himself for the worst of them when Severus suddenly stood and made his way toward the door.

"Severus," Remus said, standing and walking after the other man, but Severus was swinging the door open before he could reach him.

"Good night, Lupin."


Part two